Sunday, June 12, 2011

It's soon time to let her go ....

One more week and my baby will no longer be in my control. She has done her 13 years of school .... it's now time to move forward in life and continue down her on path to success, her next step is college.  Next week on the 25th of June I will get to see her walk across the stage to receive her high school diploma and just like I am doing right now as I write this, I will be crying then too. She is my baby. I had her at 18 .. .she finished my last year of high school with me. She attended my high school graduation at the age of 6 months old! Now its time for me to attend hers. I am not going to approve the whole teenage child bearing thing... But I did it .. and I got through it and as a teenage mom .. I think I did a pretty damn good job! 

Though like I said, its time to move forward in life. No more will I change her diapers, dress her in adorable little matching outfits... No more washing her clothes and putting them away for her, no more cuddling with her at night as she holds her bottle, or cutting up her food in little bite sizes so she can eat them. No more holding her hand to cross the street or walking her to her first day of school. No more cuddling with her to read a book or sit with her and help her with her homework. No more screaming at her because she has not done her homework .. or fighting with her because she has not cleaned her room! ( LOL ) No more telling her when she has to be in bed, or brushing her hair for her first day of Kindergarten. No more picking out her clothes, or making sure she has a baby sitter if I needed to go some where. 
It's time for me to let her go ... open my hand and allow her to be free. To move forward into the world and allow her to make her own choices in life... pick her own journey's and follow her own dreams as its no longer my job to do it. 

Does this mean it's over ? Does this mean my little girl will no longer need her mommy to help her through life ? Does this mean my baby girl is no longer a baby any longer.. but a grown up.  I can't see that and I surly do not believe that.
She has been an amazing child since the day she was born. Very easy going, laid back. Sleep through the night ( most of the time ) loved Veggies, always smiling and laughing and living with my mom because I was still in school... she was center of attention. Everyone loved Jordan. Aunt's and Uncles and grandparents around all the time. She would go upstairs to my sisters room to play in "Aunt Jacki's Boutique" that was something special between her and my sister. She would walk around with her Pacifier in her mouth, and as many times as I would try to get others to make sure she does not put it in her mouth ... they would hide pacifiers just to give her when I was not around. ( Jordan had my family wrapped around her little tiny fingers ) She use to play basketball with her father .. as tiny as she was and as tall as that basketball hoop was .. she was determined to get that ball up into that hoop and she was not giving up. She was reaching high up for her goal... just like she is doing now! She never gave up on anything .. no matter what it was ... Jordan fought for it! (her favorite song was "I believe I can fly" by: R Kelly ) If she wanted it .. she got it. Man she is so much like me now .. Watch out world here she comes ! If you piss her off.. or she just does not agree with you and believes what she believes.. she will stand her ground and have no problems telling you either. But you know what ... it was not to be mean or nasty ... it was her. She is a strong minded and secure with her self. She does not cause problems.. she try's to solve them. 
As a High school student ... Jordan had been in 2 high schools and 4 elem. schools along with 2 middle schools. Jordan unfortunately with the price of being born into a young mother her life never was stable after the age of 5 ... I have to admit I have made some bad choices in life ( nothing like drugs or drinking or any of that ) but I got into a marriage that was not the best .. we moved a lot because My ex just never paid the bills .. so Jordan was jumping around .. But you know as many times she has moved .. it seem nothing effected her education and the way she looks at life !!! I thank god for that. We are now finally stable .. life is good and it has been for three years now. Marriage is over ( and it was not even with her father ) and We have the best role model around and that is my boyfriend ( Mr.Education) 
Jordan was never told that she had to do her homework when she got older... nor did I ever honestly see her do it .. But she did it ... she has been on the Honor roll the whole school year, she received an Academic Achievement Award and as Scholarship from Long Island Blood drive because she organized it and ran the drive at her school. and so Like I said .. she is so much like her mom .. always wanted to help someone. She will also be joining me on the ambulance once she turns 18 in October. 

So that's it ..... next week it's all over ... Can I still hold her hand ?

11 comments:

Christine said...

It is crazy how fast they grow up! But, I know she will still look to you in those difficult times and laugh with you at the best times! It is a bitter sweet moment-isn't it!

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