Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Signs of a bad man

Yesterday as I was sitting at the table waiting for my attorney to finish up the paper work so I can sign it and she then can submit it to the courts for my divorce I was talking to Amit and I was giving him signs that I should have paid attention too before I got married and after how I continued to stay married and the signs just keep going, this had inspire me to write those signs in hopes that just maybe I can help someone else.......

  1. After the first night you meet him, he told you he lost his job though it was not his fault 
  2. When he told you he hide his brand new car from the bank so they did not repo it. (oh how I thought that was funny ) 
  3. When he continued to go with out a job for months but still for some reason had money, and ran his credit limit to where he could not longer use it. (not a very good financial decision )
  4. When you were getting married you were the only one paying for the wedding 
  5. The first place you moved into and you were already being evicted, but it was the "landlords fault" 
  6. To be able to move out of your first home you had to borrow money from your grandparents in order to find another place. (this is only the start to borrowing money from my family) 
  7. When you get a phone call from you mom on your honeymoon that the DJ's rent check bounced and your new husband say's "Really, I don't understand I know there was money in the account, I have to look into that" 
  8. When you are counting out your money you had gotten from your guests the next morning to help pay for a few of the items you did not pay for the wedding. 
  9. when you have no money nor food in the house but you go and have a second child with him ( my third ) (though I LOVE HER TO DEATH ) 
  10. When you start a job to help support the family for $7.00 n hour and being told you are cheating on him with the boss (GOD please that was the last thing I ever wanted to do, he was not even attractive) and then being forced to quit your job because you did not want to cause any further issues. 
  11. When he started drinking even more, and the alcohol and partying become a priority in life and your family did not.
  12. When you were being told by the land lord that he needs his rent, but you were told by your husband that the rent has been paid. 
  13. When you start getting threats you are being kicked out till you pay the rent... though AGAIN your husband states he has paid it and that the landlord has serious drug issues.
  14. When you come home after your newborn baby's 7 week check up to a house with no heat or electric because your landlord shut it off for non payment of the rent. 
  15. When your husband continues to lie about everything though you continue to believe him because he is "wonderful" (NOPE) 
  16. You are evicted a second time but manage to find another place to rent after you ended up having to live with your in-laws for 6 months. (Lord that was bad)
  17. When my heart starts pounding every time you see the landlord coming to my door 
  18. When you are able to get car's after car's and still manage to lie your way out of other situations (NOT You.. the husband ) 
  19. When you move into another location and for months you continue to live the "life style" you were told you can live because he was working all these hours 
  20. You are evicted for the third time ( 5th place living ... one place the landlord was selling the home so we were able to leave with out issues, the other was his parents house.. no eviction was needed )
  21. Oh in the in laws home, Your father in law starts complaining that your husband needs to start paying him some money or you guys are going to have to move out 
  22. after you were evicted from your 5th home, you still managed to get another place to live after lies were being told to the landlord (I had nothing to do with it )
  23. when he was collecting unemployment though also collecting off the books and you were working, but the money still seem to have disappeared
  24. When you go to pay the rent and he tells you that rent money that was in the bedroom draw is now missing and the guy downstairs (who is his best friend by the way) told us he heard someone open the sliding glass doors but never bothered to come up stairs to see who it was
  25. Was told to lie to the insurance company that your stuff was stolen  and that you had a flat screen TV in you closet and it was taken (Never made the claim by the way, though I honestly believed my money was stolen and THAT I told the insurance company about)
  26. When he makes a "fake" police report to prove he believed the money was stolen (In my eyes that is what he did, in fact I know NOW that is what he was doing)
  27. When you believe everything that your husband is doing is the right thing, and continue to trust his decisions in life.(Because your officially mentally lost and confused)
  28. When it is now time to file for bankruptcy because you owe everyone in the world money because your husband lies or does not know how to maintain the money properly and you have no other choice but to believe him that its the worlds fault and not "ours" and then go and file. 
  29. When you find your self constantly borrowing money from your family with promises that you would pay them back, because that is what your husband was telling you.
  30. When you win a lawsuit ($50,000)(ME from being run over by a car ) its time to now run and move to another state for a what he say's was for a "better life" 
  31. When once you moved there, nothing started off on the right track and soon your money started disappearing... you suggested that you pay off your bills and car loan off but being told that's not a good idea and you believe him.
  32. When you are being told that his grandfather is passing away and he needs to go back to NY to visit him and finds the money to fly to NY with his best friend 
  33. When you are being told for the 2nd and 3rd time the same excuse so he can go back to NY and still you go and believe him because at this point you have no other choice but to remain where you are in life. (at least that is how I felt ) 
  34. When all you have is $500.00 left and you are waiting for your husband to get home so you can go to the grocery store to buy food and he tells you he was beat up and robbed of "our" money. 
  35. when you then find yourself crying hysterically to your mom who lives in NY that you can not buy food for the family because your husband was just robbed of all his money ( I honestly believed it at first ) and then she has to give you her CC # in order to order food online so you can pick it up at the grocery store.
  36. when you are on the verge of losing your van because it has not been paid for and you send your husband to go western union it to the bank and they say they never received it, he said he sent it and that maybe something is wrong with the machine. You asked him time after time for the receipt so you can send it to the bank and he tells you he can not find it, but Walmart (where he sent it from ) say's that they will refund you back the money its in the mail
  37. He works for a dealership and does not understand why he has not gotten a pay check and it must be them because he sold all these cars. 
  38. When you are driving in a brand new car and being told its going to be yours, and your van is being traded in, but a month later the car is being taken back from you and your van has now been officially taken by the bank and you end up with nothing.
  39. When you are being evicted AGAIN for the 5th time and move to another town 
  40. Your husband comes home from working all day to take a shower and then go back out to pick up the girls (who were life guards for the pool company he works for ) for his boss. 
  41. When he continues to pick up the girls, though it now is taking longer and longer to get back home. 
  42. When you were told by a friend to look on a social website of a girl your husband has been talking too. 
  43. When he continues to still go out but swears he is doing nothing wrong. 
  44. When you are on the verge of being evicted for the 6th time though he finds reason on why he needs to go to NY and tells you he has a business trip, you look at your bank statements because your trying your hardest to figure out what to do about paying your landlord and you see he is spending money through different STATES on this so called business trip !!!!!!!
  45. When you find yourself throwing up because you are so beyond hurt and confused and things are starting to connect though you still have hopes in the back of your head that things will get better. 
  46. When he decides to move out because You need to be apart and he moves in to some apartment complex though it was not the place he actually moved in too... he actually moved in with one of those girls he was picking up and partying. 
  47. When you were suppose to be hanging out as a family and he was late coming to pick you up and he is still drunk from the night before. 
  48. When you are being evicted for the 7th time but managed to get into a really nice 4 bedroom home, and all went completely down hill from there. 
  49. When he was not coming home at night 
  50. When you were working your ass off to pay the rent but your money was being taken out of your pocket book though he blames it on his best friend
  51. when we had nothing in our house but Vodka and Beer 
  52. When money was still being wasted and nothing to show for it 
  53. When you have surgery and he tells you the next day to get out of bed you are fine but you just had your tonsils removed and your pain medication is slowly disappearing ... comes to find out your dear sweet caring husband is taking your pain meds to get high though is then putting water into the medication to make it look as if he is not stealing it.
  54. When you are now finding your self throwing up everyday and screaming and crying and sleeping all the time because your husband is no longer around to help you and he is now out hanging out with his girlfriends and friends and never answering the phone or coming home at night. 
  55. When you started answering to Vodka yourself because you knew how expensive it was and you wanted to "waste" it to piss him off.
  56. When you go on a spending spree with the last $30.00 he gives you to order food to have delivered to you because you are so depressed you were on a destructive path to hurting yourself. 
  57. When he drops you off at a pysic hospital because you are having a nervous breakdown and then leaves you there to go off with his girlfriend and never bothered to pick you up again !

Oh and did I mention not only did I end up owing my family tons of money to save my ass from many situations, from no electric to no cars' to being evicted and trying to save your home. When my mom picked me up from the hospital to bring me back to NY. I lost everything I owned because he let the girls live there and they destroyed all my stuff, my landlord had to come in and make them leave, I no longer have my kids baby photo's , baby items and personal memories that I thought would last a life time. So needless to say, please be aware of who you are dating and make sure there are no signs because the minute you see any sign .. specially the ones I posted ..all you are going to do is continue down the same road as I did, and believe me its not one you want to go down. 
I hope this helps some women out there....

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